


Mayerling

by shudderssea



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: F/M, Implied Cheating, M/M, a whole lotta angst, referenced cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 11:30:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20527310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shudderssea/pseuds/shudderssea
Summary: He never wants this to become another Finn-Kikis-Story.





	Mayerling

**Author's Note:**

> while i know that fics of this kind are... not excactly the most popular, I went a bit overboard and decided to write the larssen/femke fic i always wanted to write. Got really angsty really quick, and i have no other explanations for this than blantantly self-inserted feel-good fic.
> 
> i hope you end up enjoying this either way!
> 
> a song that this is based on is "Du bist meine Welt" from Rudolf: Affaire Mayerling; 0:00-4:15.

„Why be with me when I apparently don‘t understand anything?“  
Emil flinches as Femke slams the door behind her; maybe he went too far here. He definitely went too far, he knows it; Femke is in tears, she‘s screaming and shaking.  
„Yes, i understand that you lost and that it was your fault- I understand all of that.“ She yells, „But I don‘t understand why you kept that all to yourself, and i don‘t understand you not eating, and sleeping and staying up all night. But I can forgive that, all of that, because it‘s your job, and you love what you do.“ She‘s still yelling, and with every word he feels worse. With every word, the lipstick marks on his throat burn more. He doesn‘t even remember the name of the girl, doesn‘t even remember what had lead to anything.  
„What I can‘t forgive is you making out with someone when I‘m on the very same Party“ She says,voice quieter now; she‘s still shaking. Her next words are so very quiet.  
„What would have happened if I hadn‘t been here? If Finn hadn‘t stopped you?“ She asks, swallowing quietly, „Emil... why would you do that? What did I do?“ She asks, and then she sighs, a sad sound, a sad laugh.  
And then:  
„What did I do?... I‘m sorry. I‘ll.. try to be better. So you don‘t need to cheat again. What can I do better, Emil? I‘ll try to be more understanding, I promise.“  
She cries.  
It‘s worse than getting screamed at, worse than anything else. Emil wishes she was still screaming, telling him how awful he is. But she‘s not blaming him- she‘s blaming herself.  
„Femke“ He says.  
„I‘m sorry, Emil. I‘ll be better, I promise. But just... give me the night. Tomorrow I‘ll be better, I promise. If you still want me then.“  
She turns around and hushes into the bedroom of the little Hotelroom in the middle of Athens.

She‘s curled up on the bed when he enters the room a few hours later, she‘s not yet asleep and she shies away from his touch.  
„I don‘t understand“ He says, settling behind her, biting his lip when she just sighs.

„Why don‘t you just break up with me?“

„I love you“ She says, not turning around; it‘s a punch to the stomach again.  
„I‘m sorry.“ He says, even though he knows that it means absolutely nothing. He fucked up.  
„ Me too. I‘m sorry. I‘ll try to be better“ She mumbles, „Let‘s just go to sleep.“  
It feels so surreal to only two weeks ago having kissed her senseless and laughed as she cheered at him in the crowd. It‘s been only a few months, two weeks since their first love confession, and now he ruined it.  
„Femke“ He says, voice tiny, and he knows that it‘d be for the best to break-up. Save her some of the pain, „I think we...“  
He can‘t do it.  
„Let‘s just go to sleep. Please, Emil. Let‘s just go to sleep.“  
„I love you. I‘m sorry.“  
She doesn‘t say anything else; she just sighs and curls deeper into the blanket.  
He lies awake the entire night, and is therefore awake when Femke wakes up.  
„Emil? You there, love?“ She asks, turns around, seemingly unbothered- he has to sit there as her face shifts from smiling to hurt, from happy to pained, „You‘re awake already? Or still awake?“ She asks, anyways. Her hand comes up to caress his cheek, tracing the dark circles under his eyes.  
„Did you sleep at all?“  
„I‘m sorry“ he repeats over and over, „I... don‘t hurt yourself, Femke, I‘m so sorry. Please, don‘t hurt yourself, my... my.“  
„I told you. I‘ll try to be better, Emil. More understanding. A better girlfriend. Whatever you want, if you still want me.“  
He feels so fucking awful, he doesn‘t think he‘ll ever feel better again.  
„You‘re great. I never want you to change, you‘ll always be great. You‘re amazing. I‘m the one who fucked up everything.“  
„I can‘t be that great.“ She says, leaning in to kiss his cheek; Emil freezes when wet lips touch his cheeks. She‘s crying, „I can‘t be that great, otherwise you would have trusted me more. Kissed me instead of someone else.“  
He wants to scream, at her and at himself, tell her that she‘s everything and that she‘s never done any wrong here, but she doesn‘t want to believe him.  
God, what has he done?

What did he do to break this confident girlfriend?

„I don‘t want to be clingy“ She says, „But could you maybe hold me right now? Please.“ She asks, and when he wraps his arms around her, she starts shaking, crying again.  
„Don‘t do this to yourself, Femke.“ He whispers, but he‘s not sure she hears him, back asleep in a few seconds. He holds her close to him until there is a knock on his door.  
He untangles himself from Femke, watches as she curls into herself on the bed.  
Finn is standing outside the door.  
“Ah, good. You’re awake- listen, if you need to talk about yesterday, even if you fucked up massively, a break-up is always rough…”  
When Finn steps into the room, Emil hastily steps in between him and the bedroom entrance.  
“ Careful. Femke is… still asleep.” He says, and Finn raises his eyebrows.  
“She slept here tonight? I assumed she would have slept in Lisa’s room, or on one of the other girls…” Finn says, and Emil rubs his neck.  
“We’re not broken up.” He says, “We’re… figuring stuff out.”  
Finn crosses his arms.  
“You fucked up yesterday, you know that?”  
“Of course. I haven’t thought about anything else the entire night. I fucked up so bad. I can’t even tell you why I did it.”  
“You fucked up so bad. You can be really thankful that Femke hasn’t broken up on the spot; I would have. I think everyone would have. Everyone should have, actually. She must really love you.”  
Emil just rubs his neck again.   
“When do we need to leave, by the way? So i can wake up Femke then…” He mumbles, and Finn thankfully follows him on that switch of topics.  
He feels so bad, he needs to do something. But how does one excuse something like that?  
“Probably in like.. three hours. I’m sure Fly’s gonna text us before.” Finn says, then nods.  
“You really fucked up” He says again, “Take better care of your girlfriend than I did of Mateusz.” He adds, and Emil swallows thickly as the door falls closed.  
He never wants that to happen, doesn’t want to be the cause for such a heartbreak. But he can’t think of any way to excuse his behaviour. He’s such a horrible person. God.  
When he comes back to the bedroom, Femke is still curled up in her blanket bundle, and he can’t help it. He takes out his phone and snaps a picture of her, sleeping so peacefully, no sign of trouble on her face.  
He’s at fault for making her troubled; carefully he settles in next to her again, and she opens her eyes for a second, still sleepy.  
“Emil?” She asks again, “Come spoon me” she complains and is already dosing off again. He does as she asks, pressing a kiss against her neck. And another one. Two weeks ago he made a hickey on that spot, drunk on euphoria and happiness.  
Emil lets Femke sleep for another thirty minutes, then he pulls away carefully.  
“We need to stand up, by the way. For the flight.” He says, and again her face shifts from sleepily relaxed to something more pained. He’s at fault.  
“Okay…” She mumbles, stands up; he can feel that she’s trying to force normality, can see it in the way she smiles.  
“ Do you want to join me in the shower?” She asks, and he frowns.  
“You said you don’t like it” He points out, and Femkes smile flickers for a second. It’s true; the one time he suggested it, she had said she didn’t like it. He frowns even deeper when he realizes what she’s trying to do.  
“ Femke.” He says, “You don’t need to change yourself. You shouldn’t. I’m the one who fucked up. Not you.” He says again and again, and somewhere during the repetition Femke starts crying again.  
“I don’t want to hurt you any longer.” He says, “I’m so sorry for what I did. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I’m so sorry. I wish I could turn back the time- but i don’t want you to keep hurting, I fucked up so much.”  
“Why did you do it, then? In the hopes that I would never find out? I want nothing more than to break-up” She cries, sitting helplessly on the bed, “I want to break up so much, I don’t want to keep hurting.”   
“Femke”  
“I can’t break up, though. I already love you, and it would take so long to get over that. Too long.”

“I’d rather have a boyfriend who kisses other girls and doesn’t love me than to not love you at all.”

He’s stunned, unable to speak until she stands up; his breath hitches in his throat as she leans in, pressing a kiss to his cheek.  
He needs to talk, so he wills his tongue to function.  
“I love you.” He says, and her eyes turn even sadder.  
“It’s okay if you don’t. You don’t need to try. Or lie, for that factor. It’s okay if you don’t love me. You… still can join me in the shower, though. I just would like to be close to you right now. Even if you don’t love me.”  
He should say no, he should say no and make her sit down and explain her in which many colours he loves her, and how much- but her eyes are already brimming with tears, and so he nods and lets himself be dragged into the shower along with her.  
A few weeks ago, that would have made him ecstatic; now he settles for pressing soft kisses to her shoulder, letting his hands linger on her waist for a few seconds. Her face is all he sees until he closes his eyes and lets her put conditioner in his hair.  
“How come i wash your hair and it’s still like copper wire, love?” She asks, and he bites his lip, but ultimately he laughs.  
“We can’t all have the prettiest red hair, Miss Schmidt.” He scolds her, and for the first time this day she smiles, a nice smile that he’d love to kiss.  
“I’m going to kiss you?” He asks, and Femkes smile dims a bit, but then she nods. 

Finn keeps shooting him worried glances when they sit in the shuttle to the airport; it’s the reason why he doesn’t let go of Femkes hand, to show Finn that he’s making an effort. This isn’t going to be another Mateusz-Story. He would never forgive himself for that.  
So he bites his lip and leans in to press a kiss to Femkes cheek; she turns to him, a bit suprised, and he would say something, but Kacper is making gagging noises.  
“They’re being sappy again! If I can’t bring Lucjan, why can Emil bring his girlfriend?” Kacper asks, and Femke giggles. Her laughter is so cute.  
“Because unlike Lucjan, I worked yesterday and on Friday” she says, and Kacper smiles at her.  
“We should have taken you instead of Emil then, he didn’t do anything except play two SoloQ games and watch the games!”  
“I’m sure he did something else, alright” Femke laughs, and Kacper, satisfied, turns around to listen to music again; Emil looks at the small hand he’s still holding.  
Femke says nothing, but she looks up at him, until he lets go of her hand- and then she flinches, and he wraps his arm around her; she leans against his shoulder, and that isn’t too bad, either.  
He really fucked up.  
She leans against him again, when they are in the Plane back to Berlin. When they flew here, she told him she was afraid of flights.  
“You still afraid?” He asks, and she laughs cutely, so cutely, and he feels awful once again, because she adverts her eyes.  
“Sorry if that’s annoying.” She mumbles, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”  
“You don’t need to change” He says back, he wants to lean closer to her, but he probably shouldn’t, “How often do I need to tell you this? Please don’t change, you didn’t do anything wrong.”  
“You don’t need to lie, Emil. I already told you. I don’t want to annoy you, I want to be better for you.” She says, and he could scream and cry when she turns to rest her head against the chair, eyes closed. She’s pale.  
“You’re still afraid” he says, “Do you want to hold my hand?” He starts, and then changes his sentence, “I mean- can I hold your hand? Hold you?”  
“If you want that” She says, and Emil just wants to go back in time. Three days ago, on their flight, she had giggled and looked up at him, so unsure and shaking because of her flight fright; now, when he holds her hand, she’s quiet and he can sense how much she tries not to shake. He wraps his arms around Femke, and she sighs and adverts her gaze to the floor.  
“I love you” He says, leaning closer to her ear; he rests his head against hers.  
“I can only say how sorry I am over and over again. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”  
They say nothing else, she just sighs and closes her eyes; and then he’s back at the Rogue house, and she’s not there, and he feels so bad.

“Finn, how do I save my relationship from being fucked over by me cheating?”

“Well, I wish i knew.”


End file.
